Monday, April 7, 2008
Art
Drawing abstractly has become my mode of self-expression. I know what you are probably thinking, "how pretentious." But believe me, I am the first to dismiss the blank-white-canvas-so-called-modern-"art" bullshit. That is not what my art is meant to convey. I would never claim that my work has some sort of symbolic importance that I came up with to express my hatred towards life but rather the fact that it delves into the subconcious. The drawings that I usually create are not recreations of objects or people or anything that I have ever actually seen. I don't plan the designs I make, they just come to me. I invnt them in my head and then brign them to life when my pen htis the paper. Because they must come from SOMEWHERE inside of me they represent, somehow something that is on my mind. I equate them with dreams.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Insomnia
I can't sleep. No suprise there, I have had troubles with sleeping for as long as I can remember. My lap of REM cycles comes in a variety of different ways:
First is just flat out not being able to fall into the cycle regardless of how tired you are. It's the worst feeling ever. You lie in bed for hours and hours and nothing occurs. You read, you listen to music, you get up and go online (hense right now) but still your body and mind don't budge. This was the worst of all when I was living at home. My Parents would yell at me to sleep as if that could do the trick.
Another is not being able to sleep because you are just not tired. You are so hyper and bouncing off the walls and the fact that you have to wake up at 8AM the next morning will not change this feeling.
Another awful one is not being able to sleep because of something specific. Perhaps it is pain or a couph, or perhaps something is on your mind. Either way it's no fun.
All of my friends know that I don't sleep much, in fact many don't even believe me when I tell them that these days I've been getting to bed around 1, in fact, they don't think that I sleep at all. This is because when they're up I am too. This probably delves into the psych a bit here but I have always been the type who must be doing something 24/7. Is something is going on, I must be a part of it. (This is one of the reasons why NYC is the perfect place for me because there is ALWAYS something to do and there are things to do by yourself if you have no one to do them with. Hense the culture shock I had at my small, boring, city, college) I can't stand being in my room at night trying to sleep while others are in the hall chatting. Camp was the worst. If I heard people up I would always have to join in on the conversation regardless of the hour. Now most people have a few nights where they stay up late chatting. I made sure I was up for all of those. I don't know what it is, but being left out is one of my worst fears. Perhaps because I have been left out SO many times before that I don't want to miss a damn thing.
Hell, there's "so little time, so much to do" so what am I doing here writing a blog? It's a sense of expression. I need to write, get this out. Who cares if I'm not being productive, it's for myself. And hopefully others will read it as well but if not that's just fine too.
So the fact that my alarm will go off in less than 5 hours sucks beyond belief. But at this point, there isn't much else I can do.
First is just flat out not being able to fall into the cycle regardless of how tired you are. It's the worst feeling ever. You lie in bed for hours and hours and nothing occurs. You read, you listen to music, you get up and go online (hense right now) but still your body and mind don't budge. This was the worst of all when I was living at home. My Parents would yell at me to sleep as if that could do the trick.
Another is not being able to sleep because you are just not tired. You are so hyper and bouncing off the walls and the fact that you have to wake up at 8AM the next morning will not change this feeling.
Another awful one is not being able to sleep because of something specific. Perhaps it is pain or a couph, or perhaps something is on your mind. Either way it's no fun.
All of my friends know that I don't sleep much, in fact many don't even believe me when I tell them that these days I've been getting to bed around 1, in fact, they don't think that I sleep at all. This is because when they're up I am too. This probably delves into the psych a bit here but I have always been the type who must be doing something 24/7. Is something is going on, I must be a part of it. (This is one of the reasons why NYC is the perfect place for me because there is ALWAYS something to do and there are things to do by yourself if you have no one to do them with. Hense the culture shock I had at my small, boring, city, college) I can't stand being in my room at night trying to sleep while others are in the hall chatting. Camp was the worst. If I heard people up I would always have to join in on the conversation regardless of the hour. Now most people have a few nights where they stay up late chatting. I made sure I was up for all of those. I don't know what it is, but being left out is one of my worst fears. Perhaps because I have been left out SO many times before that I don't want to miss a damn thing.
Hell, there's "so little time, so much to do" so what am I doing here writing a blog? It's a sense of expression. I need to write, get this out. Who cares if I'm not being productive, it's for myself. And hopefully others will read it as well but if not that's just fine too.
So the fact that my alarm will go off in less than 5 hours sucks beyond belief. But at this point, there isn't much else I can do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)